Game Date: May 17th, 2033

Palm Beach Gardens Cardinals

Team: Palm Beach Gardens Cardinals [ID #607]

Location: Palm Beach Gardens, FL (Southeast)

League: VI.18 - East

Owner: 2chair
          [since June 14th 2017 | last seen August 21st 2017]

Manager: Lawrence Costa

Ballpark: Palm Beach Gardens Field

Rank: #656 - Rating: 41.11

Fan Mood: 60.91

Prestige: 9

Color: Cardinal & Gold

Team Notes:

• May 17 2033: Brad Wagner was released.
• May 17 2033: Nicolás Veras was released.
• May 03 2033: Lee Little was claimed off of waivers.
• Apr 25 2033: Vernon Dawson was released.
• Mar 04 2033: Joel Spain was claimed off of waivers.
• Feb 19 2033: Dave Sorensen was claimed off of waivers.
• Feb 05 2033: Will Wilkerson was released.
• Feb 05 2033: Dane Dunham was claimed off of waivers.
• Feb 05 2033: Chi Zheng was claimed off of waivers.
• Feb 05 2033: Carlos Alcantar was claimed off of waivers.

League Record:

Wins: 11 Losses: 22 Pct: .333 Last10: 2-8 Streak: L2

Ave: 3.7 - 5.7 RS: 121 RA: 187 DIFF: -66

Cup:

Group 69 [0 | Eliminated]

Press Releases:

Apr 26 2033: Palm Beach Gardens Changing Strategy - by 2chair on August 16th, 2017

With Palm Beach Gardens off to another slow start, owner 2chair recognizes that he took a team which gave up a ton of points, but had a decent offense, and transformed it into a team which gives up a ton of points, and a terrible offense. When asked about his team, 2chair told me:
"I like our front row. We have some tough props and good second rows. We have a cagey veteran at #8 who's effective. We need to get better at scrum - "
"What sport are you talking about???"
"Rugby. D'uh. How can you cover rugby and not know a second row from an inside center? We need better wings, and frankly, we have to tackle better - "
"IT'S A BASEBALL LEAGUE!"
"What? No way! It's rugby - {looks at website} Ah, nuts. I stink at baseball. I'm just terrible at - is this a joke?"
"No. You're running a baseball team."
"Christ, no wonder I get all these weird looks when I complain about the mound on the field, the diamond configuration of the lines, and get thrown out every time I scream that fifteen players are allowed on the field. This explains A LOT."
"I see. What happened when you tried to put your players into a scrum?"
"I cannot comment on that with the criminal investigation pending. All I did was reach between that dude's legs and grab the front of his shorts. That's how you did a scrum in my day! Oh, right. Baseball. And ignore that comment I made after I said no comment. That was off the record."
"What is your new strategy?"
"AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Score more points, er, runs. That seems to work."


Mar 20 2033: Third New Strategy - by 2chair on August 6th, 2017

Declaring that "if we are going to stink, let's at least stink in Palm Beach Gardens," owner 2chair announced a change of strategy this week. The league greeted the announcement with yawns followed by concern. "Wait," mused one owner, "their groupies are uglier than Steve Bannon. Will they be wearing swimsuits? Oh God, I'm going to barf!"

Another owner shrugged saying "They will still be doormats. The Cardinals should sue them and demand they change their name to Seattle Pilots."

"I wonder if the new stadium will have running water or if they'll just have a row of outhouses - - it's outhouses; isn't it? I've seen little league parks with better facilities."


Nov 04 2032: Alpharetta Planning To Try New Strategy - by 2chair on July 21st, 2017

After a season in which Alpharetta spent trillions of dollars to make their team marginally less terrible, Alpharetta has decided that big changes are coming. The new strategy cannot be announced but it will be great, just massively bigly fantastic folks just very very fantastic Alpharetta will be the King Of Success and will win so many games that Alpharetta gets tired of moving. When asked for specifics, 2chair chugged a bottle of blush wine, checked his watch, and said he was late for a hair appointment.


Sep 13 2032: Alpharetta's Morale Improving - by 2chair on July 7th, 2017

Owner 2chair hosted a team BBQ for the 4th of July. Once 2chair put the first pizza on the Big Green Egg to be smoked, manager Maestro Costa handed 2chair a bottle of Boone's Farm. After two swigs of Boone's Farm, 2chair passed out for the duration. "Maestro" Costa then finished cooking all the pizzas as well as some Pasta Carbonara. He also broke out the good Pinot Grigios and Barolos that nobody wanted to waste on 2chair.

Morale improved dramatically with 2chair making no contribution other than snoring. "If this Costa guy could learn to manage worth a damn," said one Alpharetta player, "we will really be on to something. We could turn into a pretty good - what sport do we play again?"

For dessert, "Maestro" Costa prepared cannoli which was devoured in a few seconds.

When 2chair awakened, all the food, liquor and people were gone. The mess remained. Overall, team morale is improving with Alpharetta hoping to finish the season over .500 or, failing that, hoping to bankrupt 2chair.


Aug 29 2032: Friday Night Massacre - by 2chair on July 3rd, 2017

I believe that my release restrictions end on July 14, 2017. While owner 2chair understands and agrees with the general idea behind release restrictions, 2chair took over a team where some of the "best" pitchers were, in fact, just "not quite as terrible." 2chair plans to release a number of veterans. In fact, {cough} 2chair is now saying that the pitchers he is releasing "remind me of Pedro Martinez in his prime" and can't believe that he is releasing these guys. You should sign them. The nickname "Danger" is ironic. Or it means "Danger" to the other team. Manager Lawrence "Maestro" Costa agreed that these pitchers should be signed stating "2chair is even dumber than you think," and "I can't believe he is cutting guys who've never had an ERA below 5.00 - actually don't include that last thing I said."