Team: Anchorage Foxes [ID #305]
Anchorage, AK (Arctic)
[since October 30th 2016 | last seen October 17th 2017]
Rank: #264 - Rating: 109.07
Aug 25 2033: Terry Harrington
was signed as a free agent.
Jul 20 2033: Brian Brooks
was signed as a free agent.
Jul 07 2033: Herman Woods
Jul 07 2033: Shane Woodruff
Jul 07 2033: Armando Calderon
Jul 07 2033: Steve Hammond
was signed as a free agent.
Jun 08 2033: Cesar Crespo
Jun 08 2033: Dante Whitney
Jun 08 2033: Roger Gill
was signed as a free agent.
May 14 2033: Calvin Parker
was signed as a free agent.
Wins: 0 Losses: 0 Pct: .000 Last10: 0-0 Streak: -
Ave: 0.0 - 0.0 RS: 0 RA: 0 DIFF: 0
[0 | Still Alive]
Nov 04 2032: Foxes Mighty Pissed Off About MVP Award
- by L1011Widebody on July 21st, 2017
In yet another overt display of anti-vulpinism, the Foxes watched in astonishment as the MVP award was handed to Durham Bulls' player Frederic Schulz. The Fox Faithful believe the MVP award should have been rightly given to the Foxes' own Leroy Kaplan, who had a stellar season.
While Schulz lead over Kaplan in hits, RBIs, on-base percentage, and batting average, Kaplan was more productive. Kaplan hit far more doubles and home runs, and outpaced Schulz by a whopping 0.070 in slugging percentage. Kaplan even earned more player of the game awards than Schulz.
"I just don't get it," Kaplan said, looking at the empty place in his trophy case. "There must be some kind of anti-fox bias in the system. I mean, look at how badly we were beaten in the playoffs. Surely this team deserves better than to be stomped all over by everyone else in the post-season."
'Captain' Ryan Mills, the Foxes Canadian manager, was gracious as always. "I think the Schulz kid had a great year, sure. Would I want him on my team? Absolutely. Would I trade him for Kaplan? Possibly. He does have more stolen bases, and the word from above is that we need to steal more bases. I think he had a great year, and don't call me Shirley."
Pitching coach Rufus Vulpes was less kind. "We was ripped off, is what it was. I bet they gave it to the other guy just 'cuz we already had a trophy for Charlie D'. This happens every year, us Foxes don't get no respect in the post-season. I'm real happy for Cha Cha, he got us our only win in Foxes post-season history. I'm proud of my staff, they go out to the mound, they do a fine job."
"I tried bribery, I tried blackmail, I tried swindling, I tried kickbacks, what does it take to get a friggin' championship trophy for the Foxes, huh?" Team owner L-1011 Widebody said, while stealing the trophy from the Durham Bulls locker room. "Do I have to steal a trophy just so I can get some hardware? Why can't Foxes have nice things?"
L-1011 Widebody was later arrested on charges of thievery, sneakiness, possession of stolen goods, dishonesty, doing a barrel roll, and for 374 unpaid parking tickets. Team manager Mills said he hoped that L-1011 Widebody would be released on bond before the start of the next season, but said that if he wasn't, that was okay too, eh.
There was at least one positive statement from the team. When Anchorage Foxes batting coach Wilhelm Klink was asked who deserved the MVP award, he responded with a hearty, "SCHUUUUUUUUUULZZZZZ!!!"
Nov 01 2032: Another Disappointing Post-Season for the Foxes
- by L1011Widebody on July 19th, 2017
Once more, the Foxes fought and clawed their way to the top of the West Division.
Once again, the Foxes failed to complete their pounce, and wound up up-ended with their legs and tails in the air.
"I just don't understand it," team owner L-1011 Widebody said. "We build this great, lean, efficient team that gets things done, we scrape and scratch for every run. Charlie D'Alessandro is pitching at a rate that should be illegal. And we always fumble it away in the playoffs. Is this because I'm a Detroit Tigers fan?"
Newly acquired team manager 'Captain' Ryan Mills, who replaced outgoing manager 'Captain' Jeffrey Mackay, was more diplomatic, as befitting his Canadian heritage. "We might just be too polite to the other team in the finals. I think it's just super to see the best of the best playing each other, and we may be a bit lenient with inviting them to score on us, eh."
The only bright spot of the playoff series was the very first post-season win ever for the Foxes, lead by Charlie 'Cha Cha' D'Alessandro. It would be fitting that the Cy Young candidate should etch his name into the history books as the first winning pitcher for the Foxes in the post-season.
"It was great," Charlie said. "I went up to the mound and it was like we were an actual baseball team, with uniforms and everything. Theo put in a great pickup performance for the save. I don't know what happened to the other guys in the other games. Maybe they got caught in a snare or something."
Charlie D'Alessandro had yet another stellar season, going 23-5, with an ERA of 3.35 and 214 strikeouts. At 26 years old, there is nowhere for him to go but up. "I plan to put another story on my house, to put all the trophies and player of the game awards I expect to win," Charlie said modestly.
"It just really sucks that we can't seem to get it done in the playoffs," team owner L-1011 Widebody said, while handing out bumper stickers labelled Charlie D'Alessandro for President 2036. "We are like the Buffalo Bills or something."
When asked to elaborate upon what that something was, team owner L-1011 Widebody had no comment.
Jun 10 2031: Foxes Pounce on Demons in 24-3 Blowout
- by L1011Widebody on March 27th, 2017
The Fox Den may not host a football team, but those who saw last Wednesday’s final score wouldn’t have known it.
Before a raucous crowd of 21,660, the Anchorage Foxes walloped the visiting last-place Palm Desert Demons, 24-3. The Anchorage Dome was rocking as the Foxes tallied runs in all but one inning, garnering 28 hits as they took batting practice against a quartet of desperate Demon pitchers.
The Foxes’ box score boasted some very impressive numbers. Every starting player notched at least two hits, and Ken Harrington came off the bench to go 1-for-2. DeJuan Harris finished with three doubles, despite only getting two RBIs, while Bo Kyung “Special K” Park led the prolific Anchorage offense with six RBIs. Lead-off man Jose Luis Velez was right behind him with five, making a fantastic show as befitting his nickname of “Zorro.”
The scoring opened immediately, as the Foxes put up three runs in the first inning. Park got the first of his six RBIs by doubling home Saito, although Benedict was thrown out attempting to score. Harris doubled as well, bringing home Park and Kaplan.
In the next inning, first baseman Jiro Ishida led off with a double, and was promptly brought home with a 387-foot home run to the right-field stands by “Cowboy” Kurt Conte. Reliable two-time All-Star Eddie “Boom-Boom” Saito got to first with a drooping liner to center, and was cashed in by the first of Park’s two home runs.
After the Foxes broke out to a 7-0 lead, Palm Desert slugger Emiliano Barrios responded for the Demons with a 404-foot shot to left field in the top of the third. But the Foxes weren’t done yet. Velez hit a three-run double with the bases loaded, and then, after a single by Brad Benedict, was also brought home by the second of Park’s home runs.
Ishida doubled off reliever Bernardo Abreu in the bottom of the fourth, scoring Harris and giving the Foxes a 14-1 lead. Abreu was lit up in his second inning, as designated hitter Leroy Kaplan brought home Benedict and Park with a 345-foot home run that barely cleared the left-field fence.
The Demons brought the youngster Edgar De La Cruz in from the bullpen, and the Foxes immediately pounced upon him, with Harris hitting his third double of the day. Wesley Williamson followed up with the same, scoring Harris, and a single from Konte brought Williamson home to score. Velez then cleared the bases with a two-run homer down the right-field line, giving the Foxes their “third touchdown” and a lead of 21-1.
The Foxes finished off the scoring with two more runs in the seventh, courtesy of a pair of RBI singles from Saito and Benedict. They scored their final run in the eighth, when Kaplan doubled and then scored from second on a single by Williamson.
The Demons put up a single run in the seventh on a double by George Yokoyama, and their final offensive output came in the ninth when veteran slugger Justin Stanley homered to right.
Anchorage starter Shane Woodruff went the distance, throwing 116 pitches, with four strikeouts and three walks. Two of his three earned runs were scored on home runs, taking his ERA to a modest 3.66 and his record to a respectable 4-5.
The Foxes ripped Palm Desert starting pitcher Ray Conte for 13 earned runs on 79 pitches, bringing his ERA to a dismal 7.94. He allowed three home runs. The Detroit native was saddled with the loss, his fifth of the season, despite only allowing one walk in three innings pitched.
Bernardo Abreu struck out one and allowed four earned runs in 1 1/3 innings, with Edgar De La Cruz carrying the bulk of the relief. De La Cruz gave up 10 hits on seven earned runs with two walks, while striking out four. His ERA ballooned to 7.31. Crespin Meza pitched only to Eddie Saito, for the Foxes’ final out.
“It was a hell of a performance,” Anchorage manager Jeffrey Mackay said. “I knew my boys had it in them, but still, it’s great to see them light up the scoreboard like that.”
The Canadian also remarked that he was pleased with his tenure so far in Anchorage, having managed the Foxes for the past three seasons. He quickly scurried off to join in the traditional round of Molsons whenever the Foxes won.
Team owner L1011Widebody was somewhat less enthusiastic.
“I like to see us run up the score,” he said. “But I hope the guys have some more offense left for the rest of the season. We’re fighting hard to keep pace with Twin Falls, and I don’t want my kids feeling complacent.”
Anchorage has been trading places with the Twin Falls Pioneers over the past month, and the Foxes are currently two games behind the Western Division leaders. With the Pocatello Raiders and Salt Lake City Stallions right on their heels, owner L1011Widebody expects perfection from his players.
“We’ve gotta go out there and be tough, be thorough, take everything you can, make runs. They're not stealing enough,” L1011Widebody said. “They need to steal more bases! Steal like foxes!”
The Anchorage Foxes are currently second in the league in team stolen bases, trailing league-leading Twin Falls, 91 to 79. When asked about recent rumors that he was going to replace the players with “robot motorcycles,” L1011Widebody had no comment.
Aug 09 2030: Foxes Steal All The Bases
- by L1011Widebody on January 24th, 2017
It may be freezing cold outside but it's a nice toasty 72 degrees in the Anchorage Dome, it doubles as a hockey arena in the offseason. But in the summer, it's home of the Anchorage Foxes, who true to their namesake, have stolen a ludicrous amount of bases. Because you can't have a team named the Foxes and expect them to be slow! These Foxes have not only jumped over the lazy second baseman, they've stolen third base and home plate and maybe even the pitcher's mound. At this time, the speedy stealy foxes have more stolen bases than the next three teams in the division combined! Six of the Foxes are already in double-digit stolen bases. Zippy Wesley Williamson leads the team in swiped bags, but Brad 'Flash' Benedict is close behind! But the foxes are quite fantastic in pitching as well! They're holding opponents to a team ERA of 3.38. and Mitchell 'Mad Dog' Pollard and all 6'4" of big Mike "The Mountain" Young both have 11 wins. Opposing players better watch out, the Foxes might steal those bases they weren't even on!
Jan 20 2025: Aragon and Kimura announce retirement
- by elonpuckhog on November 9th, 2015
Manager Tim Riddell today announces that both Hideo Kimura and Alejandro Aragon have both retired from the Anchorage Phoenix. Both end their lengthy careers having spent all of their time with the franchise.
Aragon ends his career with a career .233 batting average and only 18 errors in his 12 year career. Kimura ends his career after 3 all star appearances and one gold glove.
"We thank both players for their years of service. We wish them best in their retirement" Riddell said in a prepared statement.